As busy moms, wives, sisters, daughters, and coworkers, we spend a lot of our days taking care of everyone else but ourselves. We often give lots of love and attention to other people but only give ourselves a few drops.
In our “always-on world,” we’ve taken being busy to a whole new level. We measure success by money and status symbols, and social media lets us compare ourselves to hundreds of other women we don’t even know. We work ourselves to death and feel bad about taking time for our own dreams and passions, so they stay at the bottom of our to-do lists.
If we don’t fill up our well of self-love often, we can get tired, overwhelmed, or even angry with ourselves and turn to quick fixes.
I think self-love is more than just a nice thing to have.
It’s something we all need.
Self-love doesn’t just mean getting enough sleep and healthy food to give our bodies and minds a break and give us energy and joy. It also means having positive thoughts about ourselves, forgiving ourselves, being grateful, and accepting ourselves.
Self-love is important because it does not mean self-pity. Self-pity can look like self-love, but it’s really just a selfish emotion that keeps us stuck. Self-pity is when we make excuses, give up, don’t keep our promises to ourselves, compare ourselves to others in a bad way, and live a life full of drama.
Self-love is never a selfish act. It’s about making choices that support our dreams and passions instead of letting life happen to us.
10 Strategies For Practising Self-Love
1. Honour How You Want To Feel
You don’t have to know exactly what your life’s purpose is, and it doesn’t have to be big or noble for you to feel like you’ve accomplished something.
Start by thinking about how you want to FEEL every day—how you want to feel when you wake up and when you go to bed. How you define “successful,” “happy,” “calm,” “excited,” “grateful,” and “joyful” is up to you Then, think about what THOUGHTS would make you feel that way and what ACTIONS you need to take to make it happen. Make a plan to do one thing every day and write it down in your planner or diary. What gets planned gets done.
2. Discover What Brings You Joy
Give yourself time to figure out, without judging yourself, what really makes you happy, fulfilled, and at peace. This is the art of what we COULD do instead of what we feel we SHOULD do. We all have bills to pay, but it’s important to make time to follow our passions, dreams, and goals and do what we love without feeling guilty or ashamed.
3. Be Your Own Cheerleader
When we love ourselves, we recognize and celebrate ourselves instead of waiting for other people to like us. Give your inner cheerleader something to cheer about. Make a list of your good qualities and think about them when you’re feeling down or insecure. Every morning, try to add one new thing to the list. At the end of the day, you should be happy about three things that went well.
Everything matters, from taking a step toward your goals to letting yourself rest or read. Choose your cheerleading outfit. Find one or two outfits in your closet that make you feel amazing and confident, and wear them when you want to bring out your inner cheerleader.
4. Respect Your Boundaries
Set clear limits in your life so that you, your relationships, and your beautiful dreams are safe and cared for. Then, honor these limits by being aware of how you spend your physical, emotional, and mental resources. We say “yes” to other people’s requests way too often at the expense of our own plans and goals.
Here are three ways I’ve learned to say “no”—keep them by your desk or phone so you can use them when someone asks for your help…
“No, I’m sorry, I can’t do that right now, but I can help you next week/month?”
“I’m sorry, I won’t be able to do that until (day/week/month), but maybe I can help you in another way by” (Suggest something else you can do to help, such as someone else who might be able to help)
“I’d love to help, but I’m working on a big project right now, and I know I won’t be able to do a good job.” (Be quiet and don’t lose your temper! You can also use one of the other answers after this one if you need to.)
5. Speak Kindly To Yourself
When we are mean to ourselves and think and say bad things about ourselves, we reduce ourselves from the amazing, complex people we are to just one thing we don’t like about ourselves. When you have a bad thought about a part of yourself, take a moment to think about yourself as a whole, beautiful, strong person. Make an extra effort to love and appreciate the unique things that make you you, without judging them. We’re all perfectly flawed, and that’s the way we’re meant to be.
6. Give Yourself Permission To Make Mistakes Without Self-Criticism Or Remorse
Too often, we keep our brilliance to ourselves and don’t share our amazing skills with the world because we’re afraid of what other people will think. Remember that there is no such thing as failure. Every problem we face is a step on the way to success and a chance to learn what doesn’t work so that we can find what does.
7. Take Responsibility For Your Actions AND Reactions
It’s easy to say that other people or our situations are to blame for how we feel, but when we do that, we lose the power to make ourselves happy. When we realize that our emotions are made up of our own thoughts and the meanings we give them, we can take back that power and choose how we want to think, feel, and act.
8. Live In The Present
We spend a lot of time living in the past or in the future, worrying about what might happen. We criticize ourselves for conversations we’ve had and keep going over them in our minds. We make worlds of disaster and drama for the future by planning for the worst and living in fear. Make a promise to live in the present and not always in the past or the future.
We can’t change what’s happened, and we don’t know what’s going to happen. Right now is the only true reality, and it’s a beautiful gift full of feelings and choices. Close your eyes and pay attention to your feet to bring yourself back to the present. Feel the ground under you holding you up. Take a deep breath in and out and tell yourself, “Right now, I am whole, alive, and full of possibilities.”
9. Use Comparison To Inspire You
People tend to compare themselves to others, and social media has made this easier than ever. But we never really know what it’s like to live someone else’s life, and it’s easy to “compare our behind-the-scenes with other people’s highlight reel” (Steve Furtick). Instead, choose role models who make you want to live your most authentic, purposeful life with passion, joy, and honesty.
10. Have A Mental Detox
To stay healthy and strong, our minds need time to rest, get new energy, and sort through what happened during the day. But because TV, music, the Internet, our kids, social media, email, and other people can be so distracting, it can be hard to give your mind a break. We get hooked on the cycle of wanting to be stimulated and getting a reward, as well as the chemicals it makes in our brains.
To get out of the cycle:
- Every day, turn off your phone (or just the alerts) for a certain amount of time.
- Get rid of the mental clutter that drains your energy by putting all your worries, thoughts, and ideas on paper.
- Practise focusing on what’s important rather than what seems urgent and work on one thing at a time.
- Give yourself the gift of meditation, a walk in nature, or just quiet time away from the “noise” of everyday life.
- Make a bedtime routine that helps your mind relax and get ready for sleep. Turn off your phone and TV at least 30 minutes before bed, drink a glass of water to stay hydrated, and read or meditate right before bed.
